Love relationships have the single-most impact on how happy we feel in our lives. How safe do we feel with our partner? What habits and behaviours trigger us? The more they ...., the more we ... . (fill in the blanks: the more they rage, the more we withdraw. The more they nitpick, the more we put up our wall. The more they stonewall us, the more we complain... to mention but a few dynamics that happen between couples.
I am training with Terry Real, who invented Relational Life Therapy (RLT). In this approach to couples counselling, we explore the dynamics in terms of the relational stances on a continuum between being walled off and boundaryless, and feeling one up versus one down in relation to our partner. RLT aims to be fast at delivering results. The therapist is transparent about their own patterns, and also is able to call out the dynamics encouraging both partners to do some work. If you like to read, I recommend Terry Real's book: The New Rules of Marriage. What you need to know to make love work. If you like audiobooks, Fierce Intimacy published by Sounds True is fantastic.